Marked by Darkness by Dawn Merriman

Author:Dawn Merriman [Merriman, Dawn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-01-31T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter 17

Grant

All Saturdays should dawn bright and sunny. The oppressive gray sky this morning feels like an insult to weekends. I'd hoped to take Charlie and Kyle to the batting cages today, but there's a bite in the air, sharper than the last few days. I sip my coffee and scan the sky beyond my kitchen window. Maybe it will shape up to be a decent day later, but the morning looms sadly over me.

If other weekends are any indication, the boys will sleep until nearly noon. At fourteen and twelve, they’ve reached the age where sleep comes easily and abundantly.

I haven't slept well for years. The bed feels too big, too empty, too cold. Waking does nothing to dispel the emptiness. During the week, I can keep busy at work, keep my mind away from thoughts of Sarah Jane.

This morning, thoughts of my dead wife feel too close. The kitchen cloys without her presence. The picture of her and the boys taped to the fridge usually comforts. Her smile is bright and genuine. That was one of her good days, fleeting times near the end where the darkness hid. I’d fooled myself into believing the darkness was actually gone.

Was it always there? Did she hide it from me, protect me from the gruesome reality that would soon consume her? Even in this picture, did she know the darkness would win?

I stroke her photographed face. “Why did you leave us?” I ask for the thousandth time.

The photograph doesn’t have the answers. The doctors tried to explain, but they didn’t have answers either.

Sarah Jane had battled, but in the end, she lost to herself.

Like a fool, I’d thought my love for her could pull her out of the suicidal spiral. I’d thought I could save her.

The claws of darkness had sunk so deep none of us could remove them.

Not even Sarah Jane.

"Get busy," I say out loud, pulling my eyes from her picture. I rinse out my coffee cup and put it in the dishwasher. I wipe down the counter until not a crumb or minuscule stain remains.

The cleanliness mocks, highlighting the empty hours until the boys wake up and fill the house again.

I can’t sit in this empty kitchen.

I jot a note to Charlie and Kyle that I’m going to pick up donuts. I scan the sky as I climb into my pick up. Maybe the weather will be better this afternoon. A day outside at the batting cages could still happen. I hold onto that hope, as tiny as it is.

Downtown Madison isn't exactly bustling, but there are a few cars parked in front of Subs and Such. The sandwich shop serves breakfast sandwiches and donuts on the weekends. Small towns like Madison struggle to survive, and the restaurant needs to milk every dollar it can to stay alive. The Mexican restaurant down the block does a pretty good business in the evenings. The Ramble Inn tavern across the street will fill up after dark. This early in the morning, Subs and Such beckons between a realty office and an antiques and gift shop.

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